Let all your worries go away

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian. Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins. </td> Christianity 96% Islam 63% Buddhism 50% Judaism 42% Paganism 38% Hinduism 29% Satanism 21% agnosticism 13% atheism 0% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

It's Saturday and so much has happened today. I can't wait to tell you. Today was my first day working POS (my new position at work) without my manger Karla here training me. It was just Ashley and me. I was so excited and I think I did pretty good, I hope. After work I went to church, no surprise there which is true. After church I went to my cousin Aimee and Adam's wedding shower. They're getting married May 20th. The party was ok, I just don't like going to family events that much. Kind of boring and tend to be a big headache. Anyway, all I did was have dinner and then talk to my uncle Randy. I feel like I can kind of talk to him about things. I haven't seen him in a little bit so he asked me about the music I like and he asked me if I drink with my friends. I told him the truth which is yes and he told me he wouldn't tell. I guess he pretty cool for an uncle. I told him about a guy I like and he said I should tell him how I feel. I don't know if that's such a good idea, maybe, but most likely probably not going to happen. The night went great and I guess I honestly had fun, there was only one part of the night that bothered me.Towards the end of the night I was sitting down doing nothing and my Uncle Randy came up from behind me and started to massage my shoulders for a minute or two. When he started to do that a weird feeling went down the back of my spine. I don't know why I had a weird feeling come over me like that but it was the same kind of feeling I had when Vinct came close and talked to me a couple of times. I don't know why I was like that, maybe I'm still not over my feelings with Vinct and that started them up. But I'm not really sure if that was the reason. I don't know.

Today was ok, I guess. I mean I went to school and had Weather& Climate (failed the first test, ahh), U.S. History since 1877 (I love his quote "It's a good day to study history"), Sociology (did an interview today for it), and Women in European History (my teacher was dressed as a greek for his last class,lol). Then I went home, got dressed, and at 4pm went to church for Stations of the Cross. It was fun because I learned how do alter serve during Stations. Then at 4:30pm I ended up going to the lenten soup supper downstairs with Fr.Mark. So I interviewed him for my sociology paper while we had soup. It was interesting because since the questions were about his childhood I learned more about him when he was younger. Before I left to go home he asked me if I talked to my mom yet about my feelings towards Vinct (the guilt I told him about). I said no and I thought that he would end the conversation with that or maybe just suggest talking to her. Instead, along with tell me I should tell her, he asked me why I didn't want to tell her. I told him that I didn't want to hurt her but I didn't tell him that I did like Vinct at one point. I feel guilt about that. It's so confusing sometimes.

I feel that men are just really immature for their whole lives with the exception of some men (very few at that in my experience). I mean just to give an example, yesterday at work I was talking to John because he was telling me that I was weird to go to church every week because there's no point. He was like "I can't remember the last time I went to church". Then Chad comes up front to leave and hears us talking about church. Now I know he was only joking but he said "Laura your going to hell" and John was like to him "No she not Chad, she goes to church". Then Chad was like "Not for going to church. She goes to church like 3 times a week and no matter what she says, she only goes that much to give her priest sexually pleasure. That's why she going to hell". John smiled and said "Oh, that's why you go to church. Laura's getting some sexual pleasure from her priest. Good for you". He made a gesture while saying it to me. After he said that I said to him "No, I would never do anything like that. I'm a good girl". John laughed at that and said "I know, I'm just kidding. I can't remember how never having sex feels, it's been so long".
That was ok, I guess, I know they were just joking around but what really hurt me was the comment Chad said to me as I was going to my car. As I went to my car Chad called me a "whore" and even though he was kidding it really hurt. He shouldn't have called me that in front of everyone. I'm not a whore, I go to church because I like to. It's calming and I volunteer so much at my church. My church and the Catholic religion is part of who I am and no matter joking or not, nobody should judge my reasons for going to church. Not only would I not do what they suggested but either would the priests who are in my church right now. Fr.Nason is very nice, upbeat, and supportive of what I do with my life. Fr.Mark is a sweet guy, he's always there to talk to, he makes me smile even when I don't want to, and is always willing to help someone when needed. He's helped me with the harassment and now with my feelings towards it. I trust him so much because if I didn't I would have never been able to tell him or anyone about being harassed to begin with.
So, for Chad and John to say those things even in a joking way made me so mad and upset about it. They don't know my priests, even though the Priest Scandal has happen not all priests are like that and my priests are not like that, so they shouldn't judge them. Another reason is they know me and what I'm like so for them to say that, it hurts. They know me better than that. I can't believe them sometimes. It so hard to act like everything is fine with me when they say stuff like that. It takes so much of my effort sometimes to make sure I don't cry I front of them because of what they like to say to me. I mean sometimes I don't mind what they say to me but with this they crossed a line that they shouldn't cross with me.

It's my birthday today and I'm 19, yea! To bad it's snowing and my friends and I can't go out now because of it. It's supposed to be 2 feet of snow after today and tomorrow the news said. Oh good, I was starting to get worried that we wouldn't have enough snow for the winter season. Oh well, I guess my friends and I will just have to plan on next weekend to go out.

I worked today 4-10pm and I found out that I have to fill out a stupid survey by tomorrow that Mr.Holloran made. Everyone in checkout has to fill one out and here's what it looks like:
Market Basket

1)What does H.P.T. stand for?
2)Are you using it on every customer?
3)Do you count change back?

Customer service has dramatically improved, but like anything it can always be improved upon.

4)What is customer service?
5)Tell me what customer service means to you?
6)Give me an example of exceptional customer service that you have provided recently?
7)What can we do as a front end to improve our customer service?

Please return form to Mr.Holloran by 5pm on January 21, 2005
Thank You
By the way H.P.T. stands for Hello, Please, Thank You, Have a nice day.
Do you use it?

It really is one of the most stupid surveys I've ever seen and I'll give an example of how stupid it is. The first question is answered at the bottom of the paper. Hello!?!?
Well, I'm not going to waste to much energy doing it. I don't know why they makes us take surveys like this or take bagging and ringing tests but it is all nuts and it gives me the biggest headaches. This survey is such a waste of time, period!

Monday was a hard day to deal with because I had to face what I was feeling with Fr.Mark. I went to church at 8am and after mass I asked Fr.Mark if I could talk to him about something. He said ok and brought me to the back of the church to talk. When we sat down and he ask me what I wanted to talk about. I told him that when he asked me this summer if I felt guilty about the harassment and I said no that I kind of wasn't telling the truth. I told him that I did feel guilty and that I still feel guilty about everything that happened.
He told me that I shouldn't feel guilty and that it was never my fault. That Vinct was probably looked for a young impressionable and trusting girl and he found that in me. He told me that I'm really just learning to deal with the relationship between men and women and it hard to deal with stuff like this at this time of my life. He told me that even if I was attracted to him without him knowing it the harassment still wasn't my fault. He like "I doubt your the type of girl to lead him on or flirt and kiss him on the cheek, and you didn't did you?." When I said no, he like "then it not your fault because you never gave him the impression that you did want to go out with him in fact you said no to him." He said you feel bad though because he most likely play a game with your feeling and left it unfinished so you got hurt as a result. He said that I could confess this guilt and leave it up to God to decide but he sees no need for confession because I did nothing wrong. He suggested talking to my mom about it but I don't want to.
I feel a little bit better after talking to him but I still feel a little bit guilty about everything. I hope eventually it will just pass and I'll be able to get back to my life and be happy. I also hope that someday I will have enough courage to talk to Vinct when I see him because I want to tell him how I feel. I think that's the only way to close these feelings of guilt completely in the end so I can get on with life again.

Something that happened at work today that made me cry and gave me the worst ending to a good day. My morning was great, I went to church and talk to Fr.Mark about a reference in a book, he gave to me to read, that I didn't know how to look up. He helped me find it and I went home. I read a little bit more in the book and ate. Then I went to work and from 4-6:30pm, I was happy at work. I was ready to do overstock and I had Neil as the manger (he and Larry are my favorite mangers) so everything was excellent.
Jonathan ask me to ring at 6pm so Janel could go on lunch. Then at 6:30pm Janel was do to come back anytime but I was still ringing and I didn't bother me because I knew I would be off soon. I was ringing up an order and wasn't really paying attention to anything around me (at register 5). Then I heard a voice that I knew and it scared me. I looked up and at register 8 was Vinct with his girlfriend and in the carriage was his son who looked around 1 or 1 1/2 years old (he was a cute looking kid). I could hear him saying that he had another job (guessing D'Angelo) and that he had to follow the money or something like that.
Anyway, he started to leave the register after paying and was going my way to the door. He stopped the carriage to pick up his son and as this was happening all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breath. It was like someone was strangling me or punched the air out of me. Janel at that point had just come back from lunch so I asked her to ring for me because I didn't feel good. I went to the break room and cried for about 5 min. then went back up front. Janel knew I wasn't ok because of how I was acting and told Neil and Jonathan. The three of them wanted to know what was wrong all night and I finally told Neil. He made me feel better and made me smile again.
I think the worst part about tonight was, before Janel took over my register I took one long look at Vinct and I felt something inside of me hurt. I wanted to talk to him so bad to just tell him how I felt. He looked so happy and I hated seeing him like that when I was hurting so much.

Well, I'm so happy because I got my car back Friday and I looks so nice (hoping to keep it that way for a while). I love having my freedom to go anywhere without my parents again because not having that was driving me crazy. I like John giving my a ride home from MB (work) Monday and Thursday it was so nice for him to do that. He was so funny on the rides home too. Thanks so much John it was great and your the best for doing that for me! I don't know what I'll do without you in July when you go to your new job. I'll have to bug you everyday with AOL, lol. You know no matter what we still care about each other as friends. I mean without you who will I have to bug me at work. Oh well, we'll just have to take one day at a time and when summer comes find a way to bug each other, lol.
Today was a perfect day. It has been snowing all day and it still is. It reminds me of when I was little and I loved the snow back then. Anyway,I got to sleep in till 12pm. I love sleeping and they say for 1/3 of your life you sleep but I think that's 1/2 of my life during weekends for me. I woke up, took a shower, and had something to eat. Then I went to church in this weather but it was so quiet at church because there was only like thirty people there because of the snow. I got to alter serve and I loved it because it was so peaceful. Then as I was leave the Fr.Mark told me to drive safe and slowly and he kept repeating it like twenty times. It was funny and I was like "ok, I promise to drive safe and slowly".
On my way home I stopped at MB to pick up my work schedule for this week and I'm working 3-10pm for Sunday cause it's Inventory Day *Hmmm, Sigh* I mean Yea, Woohoo, lol. I asked Mr.Holloran if he asked Mr.Owens about me being an Assistant and he said he forgot and to remind him Monday to talk to him. So I'll have to remember to tell him Monday. Then after that I came home and kind of feel like getting under my warm cover in my bed and going to sleep. It was such a good day and I really like having that feeling that has not been around much recently. So I'm going to go to sleep enjoying it before work tomorrow.

It's Wednesday and I'm so bored. My car is in the repair shop so I have no car to go anywhere. It's like I'm in some kind of prison that there's no escape from! The only time I get away from my house is to go to work which is not a fun consolation to home but better. Today though I have no work but I wish I did so I wouldn't have to be here. I hate sitting at home because I have so many emotions running though me right now and I can't go anywhere to let them out so they're just building up. My feelings are so indescribable because there are so many things I'm feeling right now there's no one mood to describe me.
I have not talked to Fr.Mark yet about the way I'm feeling because it seems every time I try to talk to him I lose the courage to. I guess I knew that this would most likely happen because it took me about two months to talk to anyone including him about the harassment. Now it has been about 3-4 months since I started to have these emotions and I have not been able to tell anyone yet. I think my defense is to hide my true self behind a wall inside me and show people the happy me but let me only see the sad me behind the wall in my mind. I really want to show Fr.Mark so badly the sad me so he can help me make it happy, so I can see the happy part again and I really think only Fr.Mark can help me fight it out. I'm going to keep trying to find a way to talk to him about it before school.
Also at work Mr.Holloran hasn't told me anything about me becoming an Assistant which I talked to him about 3-4 weeks ago. I so pissed about that I know he remembers but I don't think he thinks I could be an Assistant because I'm not a bitch enough. Well either this week or next I'm going to ask him about it and if he needs to see a bitch I might just show him one. I`m so mad at him!
I think I just need to leave this house and get some fresh air to clear my head about certain things before they pull me under too far. I hate myself and who I'm becoming inside. I just hope to fix this problem as soon as I can so I can focus on other things. I really want to like myself again but right now in this stage of the game, it's just not possible to do.

I hate Christmas! I could care less about gifts, and money to be honest with you. Also spending time with my family just seems to give me headaches which I don't need at all but I want to be nice about it because today is family feast for Catholics and the sermon today was about family and things like that. I just feel like I don't have a lot of value in my family's eyes. I mean my sister, Amanda, seems to be perfect always in school, straight A's in grades, at church in singing, playing the piano and etc. It's terrible, I feel like I'll never be able to compare with her or anything she does. Then we have the younger kids in my extended family which receive most of the attention which is natural but not good for me.
Then on Christmas at first I was fine but I knew something would happen that would start to make me cry because I've been depressed lately. Sure enough I forgot my cross necklace at home, started to cry and I didn't want to go in to Memere and Pepere's house without it. My parents wouldn't go back for it till after on our way to my grammy's house so I cry for more then half of time there. It really wasn't about wanting the cross necklace that made me cry but the reason the necklace was so important to me was because it represented my religion and my religion has been my protection from the depression for these past months and without it I felt unsafe. It kept me safe from thoughts of Vinct, the harassment, school, my grandfather's death, and work and without it all of those thoughts and emotions came out at once and hit me hard.
I really can't talk to anyone in my family about my thoughts and problems except for maybe my Uncle Randy or with cousin fiancee Adam but they don't know anything so it hard to talk to them. Besides them, I only feel like I can talk to my priest Fr.Mark who has listened to me before and has helped me. I really want to see if I can just talk to him this week and just get all of these feelings off my chest. I`'m just glad christmas is over and I have a month off, I just need to get a little help. I working on getting that when I talk to Fr.Mark but we'll see, I have a month to see to it. I hope I can feel better after talking because I'm starting to hate myself and I don't want to if I can help it.

Here`s a survey for you:
ONE:
-- name: Laura
-- birth date: January 22, 1986
-- hair color: Brown with blond highlights
-- height: 5'8
-- righty or lefty: righty
-- zodiac sign: Aquarius
TWO:
-- your heritage: Italian, French/Canadian, English, Scottish
-- the shoes you wore today: work shoes
-- your weakness: does too much at once, trusting others, self-conscious at times
-- your fears: heights, death, disappointing others
-- your perfect pizza: hamburger and mushroom
-- goal you'd like to achieve: find prince charming, have a family in the future, and become a teacher
THREE:
-- your most overused phrase on aim: lol
-- your thoughts first waking up: Why does it have to be morning yet?
-- your best physical feature: not sure though some say my legs because I'm tall
-- your bedtime: 11:00pm or 12:00pm
-- your most missed memory: my grandfather (he died this year)
FOUR
-- pepsi or coke: diet coke (pepsi is gross)
-- mcdonald's or burger king: Wendy's is #1!
-- single or group dates: I would probably feel more comfortable on a group date
-- adidas or nike: neither
-- lipton iced tea or nestea: I don't drink ice tea
-- chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- cappuccino or coffee: hot chocolate
FIVE:
-- smoke: no
-- curse: Yes
-- sing: Yes
-- shower everyday: Yes
-- have a crush: ya.. but I know in my heart it will never happen, too many complications to go though first
-- want to go to college: going...
-- like high school: loved it! I miss it so much..
-- want to get married: yes
-- believe in yourself: sometimes
-- Get Motion sickness: no
-- think you're attractive: sometimes.. depends on how I'm feeling about myself
-- think you're a health freak: no
-- get along with your parent(s): for the most part
-- like thunderstorms: kind of.. I like the rain more
-- play an instrument: not now, I use to play the flute in 5th grade
SIX:
in the past month ...
-- drank alcohol: yes, depression makes me but I'm trying to stop that
-- smoked: no
-- done a drug: no
-- made out: nope, haven't even had my first real kiss yet
-- had sex: nope, never had it ..still waiting for the right guy
-- gone to the mall: no
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: no
-- eaten sushi: no, I hate seafood
-- been on stage: no, but last year I was for my senior class play
-- been dumped: no
-- gone skating: no, but in the past 6 months yea
-- made homemade cookies: no
-- gone skinny dipping: nope
-- dyed your hair: well.. highlighted it
-- stolen anything: no
SEVEN:
ever ...
-- played a game that required removal of clothing: no
-- if so, was it mixed company: no
-- been trashed or extremely intoxicated: well.. buzzed but nothing serious than that
-- been caught "doing something": no
-- been called a tease: kind of... usual when John making sexual jokes to me
-- changed who you were to fit in: sometimes but usual not
EIGHT:
-- age you hope to be married: around 26 or 27
-- how many children: not sure, but not more than 4 or 5
-- describe your dream wedding: a traditional wedding with me in a white dress at my church with my priest Fr. Mark saying the ceremony
-- how do you want to die: I try not to think about death much
-- do you want to go to college: as I already said I'm in college get it now!
-- what do you want to be when you grow up: a high school history teacher
-- what country would you most like to visit: I don't really like to travel but Paris maybe
NINE:
in a guy/girl ...
-- best eye color? brown or blue
-- best hair color? brown
-- short or long hair: short
-- height: a little taller than me..
-- best weight: average
-- best articles of clothing: nice collared shirt, tie and pants
-- best first date location: idk... the movies
-- best first kiss location: don't think about it too much because it hasn't happened to me yet but at night under the stars
TEN:
-- # of drugs taken illegally: none
-- # of people I could trust with my life: Haidy, Jeff, Marc, Jonathan and a couple others but not many. I have a hard time with trusting others because I always seem to get hurt when I do trust people.
-- # of cds that I own: around 50
-- # of piercings: only my ears pierced
-- # of tattoos: none
-- # of scars on my body: on my right knee after my stitches came out at age 8
-- # of things in my past that I regret: not trying a different thing with the harassment that could have not caused as much trouble for the guy, being too friendly sometimes, wanting to grow up fast as a kid
-- # of people you think have a crush on you: haha.. me?... idk i wish if someone did though I could know so I wouldn't be so afraid to ask them out

So I`m having a miserable day today..... ok I won`t kid myself I have had a miserable week and today is just another horrible part of the week. I mean everything at first was fine. I went to school and took my history midterm (I don`t want to say anything before I get the grade but I think I did ok), went to english class not to fun, went to psychology was boring and I think I failed my recent test but not sure. Danielle want to set me up with a guy, whom she gave my cell # to. He called while I was in work but I haven`t call back yet. I don`t think I`m ready to date yet especially after what happened this summer. Though Danielle and Haidy think differently on that subject. All I can think about is last summer and my harasser but I`ll get back to him later.
I go in to work for 4-10pm and at first it was ok. Janel kept me closed for the most part and had me bag which I`m not fond of doing but no complaints. Then at 6pm while I was ringing on register 9 Rob sends Rosa to come on for me. When I went to see what he wanted he told me to go on one. I had a fit and told him I wasn`t going on one so just send me home if you want because I`m not going on. I mean out of the 4 times this week I worked I`ve been on that register 3 times (Mon. 6-10pm, Thurs. 4-6pm, and now today 6-10pm) really that is nuts! So he calls Mr.Owens in his office to tell him I won`t go on one. Mr.Owens told him to give me the phone and he yells at me, tells me to go on one, and hangs up on me. Great! I was so pissed at that point I went on one and took my 15 min. break at 7:15pm so I could get unstressed... didn`t work.
I went to the break room and 5 min. into my break Mr.Owens comes out of the bathroom see me and comes over to talk. He asked me something but I didn`t answer so he was like "so your not talking to me" by that point I`m like to myself partly. So I also don`t cry at this point in front of you because if I open my mouth I won`t be able to talk but cry. He was like "Laura your my best worker, your nice, you don`t get in trouble, your fast on register and your drawer is always perfect not over or under. You should take being on one like a compliment (he means like an reward) your a good worker and said if I decide to talk he here tonight". I mean that was a stupid reason for me to be on one. It`s not a reward it`s a punishment to be on one no one like one including me. Every time someone says I`ve already been on one this week they`re like ok but for me it`s too bad. I`ve worked here for 2 years I hate when they give attitude, give me a break and get over yourselves! Do I need to be slow, mess up my drawer and be terrible at this to stay off one. He was like before he left the break room "I did the schedule for this week coming up and your only on it like 2 times". That half of my week and they don`t follow the schedule because I was only scheduled once this week soo what`s the point! He got me upset on my break, making me cry after he left. They piss me off so much there recently.
So last night I asked John about why my harasser was gone meaning was he fired or quit. John said he quit but he was on the verge of being fired anyway. I feel so guilty about that because I helped to cause it by complaining. I should have left it alone I mean he only thought I was pretty and want to go out with me. I hate myself so much! I`m going to go to bed to sleep.

Well Friday I went to school and I loved history class it was a discussion class on a primary source. I actually talked during it. It was different but good for me to do, join in a discussion for once. I worked 4:00-9:15pm and yes, we were out by 9:15pm for once. I mean we had everything done overstock, breakdown, washing registers and grocery was done their breakdown, it was great. Saturday was interesting. I slept from 12:00am-11:00am and it was great. 11 hours of sleep! I love the weekend I can get the sleep I missed during the week.
I took a shower, ate something and went to church from 4-5pm. At church I alter served which I love doing. It`s so relaxing! I feel like it one of the ways that I`m near God and it`s a way for me to give something back to God. Sarah which I haven`t seen in a while because she has been away at college came and served with me.
Then I went to MB to say hello to Tom in the bakery and see Eric who was the manger for the night. Eric asked me to come in and work. I wasn`t dressed to work but Eric said he didn`t care so I decided to work since I was there. I probably would have not agreed to it but since Eric asked me and Sarah who was working also asked I said ok, even though it was my day off. Before he asked me Tom gave me a free slice of cheese pizza because we have to give the leftovers as samples anyway. So I went to get a drink and got Tom one too. I forgot to grab my money before I left the house so I used my debit card for $2.03, I`m such a loser for using it for only that much lol. But I enjoyed the pizza, it`s so good there. I got most of the overstock done but we had to help grocery so we were there till 9:45pm.
After work Sarah and I went to The Loop to see Shark`s Tale, which Eric suggested, it was so cute and funny, thanks Eric for saying it. We had 20 min. to wait till it was time so we walked around and she called her brother to see where he was. He was with John so Sarah said hi to him and told him I said hi, which I bet he was so thrilled about because I`m his favorite person in the whole world, lol. It was so good to see Sarah and be able to talk about stuff because I haven`t seen her since the beginning of the summer. I got home around 12:30am and now I`m on the computer. This I think is the first time in a long time I`ve been truly happy and not sad at all in the whole day. Very good progress I think on my part.
I saw Marc and Jeff Wednesday when I went to the high school to visit. Yes even though they are my old teachers, since I`m out of high school I going to call them by their first names on here. It amazing what college will do for you but who cares anyways we are all adults now! Well I got to go get some sleep because I have work tomorrow 12-8pm.

Yesterday was pretty boring for a Monday for the most part. I went to school from 10:00-1:00pm. My history teacher still wasn`t back (so a lecture), an english class for help on a paper but I`m not even doing my paper on that subject (so no help), and notes that I have in Psychology again (so boring!!). I really wished I was back in bed by that point. Such a long day!!! I couldn`t believe it.
I went to work at 4pm and John was running the front. He put me on one because the person was leaving and told me he would take me off later. He forgot at 5pm and had nobody coming in at 6pm so I was almost on it for the whole night. I got the girl on two to agree to switch with me at 6:15pm and at first John said no to tease me but then he let us. So I was on register one from 4-6:15pm and it was horrible I mean besides that for the past week I`ve been on register one Thursday all night and Friday 4-6pm, really. No one else would be on that register that much but I`m nice and didn`t complain. The rest of the week I better not be on that register or I`ll have a fit with Mr.Holloeran, who put me on there 2 out of the three times. So I went on two at 6:15pm and John gave me a nice change of pace. Instead of doing overstock I washed registers, can machines, doors that people come in and out of, and the ledge in the front of the store. To get part of the ledge I needed to climb some of the carriages and I hated even that height. I`m so afraid of heights. I also made sure we had plastic bag boxes opened up front.
John was teasing me the whole night in a amusing way. The funniest thing the whole night was when John was giving me a final I told him two banded and then realized I had another and told him he was like "why did you do that". He was like at the end of the final "don`t talk Laura or I`m going to shove this pen in your ear to take out that small brain of yours". When he say my expression he was like "yes it small just like my penis". I couldn`t believe he said that I was in shock at that point. I had my head down on my register laughing and almost crying over it. It was so funny! He enjoyed my expression on that comment he was smiling and laughing watching my reaction after it. He love to say stuff like that to see how I will react to it. I remember one night he ask me if I could do him a favor and when I asked him what was the favor he was like "could you get on all fours for me?" I was shocked and said "no!!" to it and he love that reaction too. I really like working with John he loves to tease but he`s a funny and nice guy. He makes me smile so much! I`m lucky to have him at MB.

It`s saturday and I wished it had turned out better than how it went. I woke up around 12:00pm and it felt so good to sleep for 10 hours since I usually only get 5 to 6 hours of sleep each day. Anyway I ate some lunch, took a shower, and watched some t.v. till 3:00pm. At about 1:00pm, just before I took a shower, Haidy calls almost in tears to tell me how Chris and Ashleigh are mad at her. How she was making plans for the four of us to go out at 5pm but Chris won`t be home from Boston till 8:30pm, Ashleigh might not be around till 7pm and they can`t agree where to go. So I tell Haidy that me and her can go out at 5pm just the two of us and go see Tom at Market Basket because he home from school for the weekend. She says sure and to call her at 5pm after I get out of church. Then she calls me back and asks if at 9pm I want to go with Chris and her to play pool. I said to her I couldn`t because I have two essays to do for Monday and have to finish them as soon as I can. She freaks out at me saying that she woke up at 7am to finish her homework so she could spend time with us like we plan and blah, blah....... I was like I`m sry but today was my only day I could sleep in and I`m starting to get sick because I haven`t slept that much. I asked her if I should fail my college classes so I can go out to have fun and that the plan was to go out at 5pm and I`m sry that Chris changed that. She like we could have gone in to Boston this morning with Chris but you couldn`t miss church because you had to alter serve. I told her that I made a commitment 10 yrs ago to alter serve so I wasn`t going to break it. She hung up on me mad after that talk but oh well. I hate the fact that almost everything she does now needs to be with Chris and needs to see him everyday or else she can`t do stuff. I mean she could have gone out with her best friend for a little bit but why not because Chris won`t be able to come with us till 9pm.
The only thing that went well today was going to church from 4 to 5pm. It was so relaxing to be up on the alter and just do my job. I love going to church and I do so much there. I alter serve, I`m a extraordinary minster, and I help with the CYO like a mentor since I`m too old to be in it. It`s great at All Saints and my priests are so nice. One of them, Fr. Mark, helped me deal with the harassment over the summer and I really feel like I can talk to him about anything which is hard for me to do with most people because I have a hard time trusting people. But not Fr. Mark I trust him a lot and I feel happy about that. Sometimes I wish I could just live at the church and never have to deal with any of my problems again. I have to go finish my homework now so I don`t have to do it tomorrow.

Today was a busy day. I went to school (U. Mass Lowell) from 10:00-1:00pm. Watched a movie in history class because my teacher was out of town, english and psychology boring!!!!! Psychology is just a bunch of notes I have. So I get to Haverhill around 1:30pm and I go to Market Basket to pick up lunch. Mr.Holloaren ask me to come in at 4:00pm instead of 6:00pm so I said ok. I mean I`m making more money by coming in early so why not. Well lucky me I got put on register one from 4-6pm like when I went in early yesterday and got put on one but for the whole night. So it was busy the whole night even when I was on break. By 9pm our aisles looked crappy and we had 3 carriages of overstock and one carriage of damage. We got done by 9:55pm but grocery was only on 7 and had 5 aisles to still fix. We went home though because it was almost 10pm and they really can`t keep us there passed then. I went to go get Haidy after I left Market Basket at Hot Pop-pon Video.
We went to Chris`s friend house and I drank a few beers. It felt so good to drink them cause I really needed them at that point. On the ride home I was talking to Haidy about how I found a guy with all my expectations but she knows who he is and just like me she knows I`ll probably never get him. I would say his name but for me not to feel embarrassed about it I will kept his name for my journal I write in at home. I got Haidy and me home safely but now that I`m home sitting down I feel so dizzy. I also have a headache that I wish would go away. I really don`t know what has come over me these past couple of months but I have been so depressed lately. I think the beers have helped me relax for the rest of the night as long as my dizziest goes away soon. If that happens I might become a little bit happy for now.

Today I went with Haidy and her boyfriend Chris to the hospital cause he been feeling sick. After we leave we decide to go to D`Angelo in Plaistow because we are hungry since it 4:30. So we go there and who do I see ... my harasser from work because he works at D`Angelo also. He was helping a girl at the register so I ask Haidy to order my food so I didn`t have to deal with him. He gave me the nastiest look when he saw me because he hates me for telling Mr.Owens everything that happened. I don`t blame him for hating me even though I did him a favor by not filing a compliant and he kept his job. I feel horrible sometimes and think maybe I did something wrong and shouldn`t have told Mr. Owens anything. Everytime I see him and he looks at me with hate I feel so guilty but I don`t know why.
Anyways he was talking to two girls working there around my age and thought I wonder if he has harassed them at all. It kills me inside to think he can still harass other people and I didn`t stop that when I talked to Mr.Owens. I mean Mr.Owens even told me he had another complaint like that against him but I still chose to only have Mr.Owens talk to him. When I drive by D`Angelo I beat myself up with guilt. I want to talk to him so badly to tell him why I told Mr.Owens, why I didn`t face him before now and how he makes me feel about myself. When he was harassing me I was so scared and he made me feel like everything that happened was my fault. I still feel that way once in a while and I have no clue why at all. I think about it all the time and it makes me feel miserable each time I think about it. I think it`s my punishment I made for myself for what happened. I have no idea why I would want to do this to myself but I do each and even time, day in and day out. I don`t know what to do about it. It`s so confusing sometimes. I just want to stop thinking sometimes. I`m so worried about this pattern in me that has been going on like this for a while.

Tonight was horrible at work. I mean at first it was fine. John let me do overstock cause he says I`m the only one left who knows how to do it. I did 2 out of 3 carriages we had. So I like to relax and not stress about it when I`m doing it but Melissa and Gissale (I don`t know how to spell her name) comes up to me and tell me I`m slacking. Slacking! I said that when they do 2 carriages of overstock in a hour and a half then come tell me I`m slacking. I told John I was going to go separate damage. They come out back and ask if overstock was too hard for me to handle while smiling. I was so mad after that. I went up front after I was done separating and told John I wanted to do something else besides overstock. When he asked why I told him I didn`t want to work with the two other girls. So he let me do breakdown instead and Melissa decided to harass me so more as I broke down baby food.
When I went to 6 to breakdown spices John came over and said "don`t go on strike now I need you" to try and cheer me up and as a joke. Instead I started crying so bad I couldn`t stop to even talk to him at that point. He usually a little mean but he was so nice then. He waited there, comforted me and ask me to please stop cry, that their jerks and he knows that I didn`t slack that I do a good job. He waited there for me to stop crying and was making me laugh and smile instead of crying more. After everyone in the checkout, except John and me, left he talked to me about it and told me to not let that stuff bother me. That their jerks that need to grow up. John made me feel so much better. I`m so glad I have him at Market Basket because I don`t know what I`d without him there. If you don`t know him well he can seem like a jerk but if you know him the way I know and see him at work he is so nice and just loves to kid around with people but will always be there for people he knows well and cares about. Mondays are my favorite days to work at Market Basket because of John. He helped me out a lot tonight.

Well this is the last day of my summer vacation and I`m going to college. Most people hate to go back to school but I can`t wait. My summer started and ended horrible and I`m glad it`s over. I mean how great is a summer that starts with going to your grandfather`s funeral because he dies. Then the whole summer your sexually harassed at work by a guy that keeps asking you out even after you say no. So finally you tell your manger to just tell him to leave you alone but still you feel like you did something wrong. Finally on your last day before school you go out with your best friend and her brother. What happens... he decides to be a jerk to you and tell you he feel bad for your harasser, your a jerk for tell the manger what happened, and your the one who did something wrong! I hate people sometimes so much because they always seem to become jerks. Maybe this is why I like to be alone more than I like being around people. I wish I could go back in time before any of this had happened. I think this could be one of my worst summers I have ever had. I hate change so much and this summer has been all about it for me. Hopefully with summer ending and school starting my life will start to get better and get back on track again. Well that`s all for now.